And, by here, I mean on this site AND in this world...
I have wondered and wondered for as long as I can remember what my purpose in this life of mine is. I'm still not completely sure I have the answer to that question, but at least I think I have a better idea than I did before.
So, to give you all a helping hand, I'm going to go back a bit to help give you all a better understanding of where I come from...
I was born in 1980 with an incurable eye condition that left me legally blind. I attended the state's School for the Blind from the time I was in Kindergarten until I graduated high school. I decided at a young age that pregnancy and childbirth were my passion. But, when I reached high school, I made a startling realization: the whole world is not blind. So, my dreams of becoming an obstetrician were crushed. I'm not so worried about that anymore after knowing now what I didn't know then. But, at the time, I was heartbroken. So, I decided to give up on the idea that I was going to fit into the world of pregnancy and childbirth for good.
It wasn't until I had finished several years of college that I heard the world 'Doula' for the first time. My heart leaped out of my throat in sheer joy and excitement. Just the idea that I could help women during their pregnancies and births without having a medical degree or being able to see nearly brought me to tears. So, while I was still in college, I took a doula training course to become certified. (Oh, a doula is basically a childbirth assistant.)
I was thrilled to have attended the training and thought things would start off like gangbusters, but I was SO wrong. I attended 2 births that spring/summer and wasn't even able to use those for my certification requirements (long story that I probably won't go into detail about).
Then, in 2005 I got pregnant and things really slowed down (I had been married since 2003). I mean slowed down to the point that I haven't had a client since those first two. But, a few months ago, I decided I wanted to try to get started again but with a bit of a different approach. I wanted to work with an organization that put Christ first. That's where I found Kelly and Cascade Christian Childbirth Association (www.christianchildbirth.org). I finished the study modules a month or so ago and am now moving on to the practical assessments in teaching a childbirth education class and attending births.
But, once again, things seem to be in a drought for me. I keep questioning myself and God. Am I even doing the right thing? Is this where You want me to be? I just don't know...
Well, recently, I heard about an event called 40 Days for Life (www.40daysforlife.com) and decided to check it out. It's a Pro-Life campaign not like any others I've heard of. After reading the website some and seeing what it's all about, I knew right away I needed to get involved.
40 Days for Life is a campaign that happens once or twice a year (this is its second year) where people commit to 40 days of prayer and fasting, peaceful (that's the important word) vigil and community outreach. The purpose of 40 Days for Life is to end abortion. I know it's a touchy issue, but someone has to speak up for those with no voice. And, being that it is a peaceful attempt made it even more appealing to me.
I attended my very first meeting a few weeks ago and was immediately placed in the line of duty as it were. I am the scheduling coordinator as well as information line operator. I am so very nervous about it, but God put me in this position for a reason, so I will be bold in my attempt to serve Him.
Also, a gentleman from Crisis Pregnancy Centers (now Life Centers or LC for short) recently came to speak at my church. I was reminded that I had wanted to volunteer there a few years ago but didn't have the necessary funding to attend the training seminar. But, God is good and His timing is perfect because I am taking the course starting next week and have begun volunteering for the center nearest my home (about a mile down the same street as my home). And, as if it weren't enough that I made the decision to go and become a part of this wonderful ministry, my first day was wonderful. I immediately felt at home there. It was such a God thing! While I was there a young woman in an unplanned pregnancy situation who had been very set on having an abortion changed her mind and even wanted to show her other child ultrasound pictures. She decided to carry her baby to term. VICTORY!!!
So, I guess God does have a plan for my 'slow season' after all. I have been thrown in the complete opposite direction from where I thought I was going. Instead of working with laboring women who are about to give birth, God has led me to work with women just starting out on their journey to motherhood. I am still praying for students and doula clients, but I know God will provide.
So, that's where I am right now except for one other thing (that lead me to create this journal/blog). In my recent journey into the world of abortion and trying to prevent it, I have felt a strong calling on my heart. I am scared, nervous, anxious and all those other emotions that are not of the Lord. But, I am stepping out in faith and have been preparing mentally to take on a new (and very big) challenge. I feel that God has been calling me to sit outside of an abortion clinic for an entire year and pray.
Will you pray with me?
Will you pray for me?
I covet your prayers right now. Please go to Him on my behalf asking for my protection and provision. I have two young children and I don't know how this will effect them.
Speaking of whom, my daughter is begging me to play with her, so I need to 'obey' her and play with magnets like she is asking.
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Hearing on September 23
15 years ago
