I was reminded today that it has been quite some time since I last posted here. I didn't realize just how long it had been until I took a look through my archives to see that my last post was in January when I first found out I was pregnant. So, here I am with an update.
I am 19 weeks pregnant now and have yet to see a doctor. Don't you just love the workings of public assistance? I'm not really concerned with not seeing a doctor since I have been pregnant twice before and know what to expect and things to look for. My only concern is the massive amount of vomiting and nausea I have suffered from right from the start. But, even this was not something I wasn't prepared for. With my first two pregnancies, I suffered from a condition called Hyperemesis Gravidarum. In plain English, that basically means a LOT of nausea and puking all throughout pregnancy. I lost a considerable amount of weight with both my previous pregnancies. I don't know how much I have lost this time around simply because I have not stepped on a scale in months. I have no desire to know my weight, lol. But, by the way my clothes and jewelry fit along with comments from others, I know that I have lost at least a few pounds.
Until recently, this condition has been quite depressing and has made me consider all my options regarding future children. Some days, I wish I could just go to sleep and that would be the end of it all. It was exhausting to just hold my skin together. Unless you've been there, I know it's hard to understand. I just feel felt at times that if I relaxed too much, my body would simply fall away into a pile of dust or something. I spent day after day praying that God would take the sickness and pain away. But, day after day, I struggled the same. It finally occurred to me that I shouldn't JUST be praying for healing but also for understanding. It's not just about the fact that I have ben sick. It's about the WHY.
I received an answer much quicker than I expected. It was so simple and clear that it nearly surprised me that I didn't think of it myself. But, I know that God wanted me to get to a place of rayer where I was leaning more on Him and His understandings instead of my own. This is what I heard God say:
"You are so passionate about protecting the unborn from abortion. This is honorable. But, though your motives may be good, your execution needs work. It isn't your place but mine to judge each person individually. You don't know the circumstances under which these women come to these places seeking abortion services. Do you know that they aren't feeling desperate like they have no other options? Do you know that they haven't been told by their physicians that abortion was the best, or only, medical option for them? Do you know that they aren't as sick as you? The answer to these questions is a simple one. No. And, because of this, I am blessing you with the opportunity to have compassion towards these women. Reach out to each one with the same compassion you want others to offer to you. Remember how Christ would have approached each situation. Love, tenderness, kindness and compassion are the things you should keep close to your heart when you are talking to these women as well as when you are praying for them."
It hit me like a ton of bricks. How often have I just felt anger towards a woman walking into an abortion facility? Or, how many times have I heard another advocate judge someone going in? Too often. This isn't how Christ would handle these situations. Yes, these women need to know that what they are doing to their unborn children is wrong according to God, but they don't need to be forced with a 'Fire and Brimstone' sermon. They need to be met with caring hearts and compassionate words.
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